Sunday, November 15, 2009

Helping a spouse understand

From Anne:

Hubs is giving me a hard time about getting the TravelScoot, because he'd rather I had both knees replaced. I don't want surgery, and there's no guarantees that knee replacements -- even if they go well and I don't die from the anesthesia or an embolism -- will magically enable me to be as mobile as I was 20 -- or even 5 -- years ago.

Help, anyone?


  1. Anne Sweetie, first off remind your lovely, caring Hubby that it is YOUR body. ANY TIME you have the body opened up for any reason it is traumatic. If it is for a surgery that you do not feel is really needed at this time only makes it worse - mentally.

    You obviously have some moblitity or you'd have gotten a wheelchair instead. As you have chosen moblitiy help instead of the possible relief (no, I don't trust the surgery either), it doesn't sound like you have reached the end of the line where surgery is the only option for some kind of relief. Has Hubby even googled knee replacement? Strongly suggest that he gets all the possible facts first.

    Just so you know, my first few weeks with the Scoot were the worst. Not because of it or me, but because of some of the negative responses I got from supposed friends and family. My feelings were hurt that they didn't seem to want the best for me. Or even thought that I might know what is best for me. IGNORE THEM!! You have a grand support group here whether you know it or not.

    Now let me tell you about riding the Scoot. I now go places like malls, aquariums, and expos without worring about planning my paths for the fewest steps. Or worrying that I'll be in agony for the next two days. Riding the Scoot is so fun, I now go out to places like the Outlet Mall to ride around and be out and about - just because I CAN! It's also fun being the fast one in a group instead fo the slowest.

    Just had a thought, maybe the reason Hubby doesn't like the Scoot is because he is jealous. You know men and their toys. . . . .
    Maybe you should get him one also?

  2. Anne:

    I had a lot of negativity from my husband and 18 yr old son when I made it known that I wanted to buy a TravelScoot. I think that they were worried that they would be embarassed by the Scoot. Although I don't need to have knee replacement, I do have osteoarthritis and suffer from terrible pain when walking. I think that the cost was also an issue with my husband (that is always a problem with him). But, my mother recently passed away and left me some money. She would have wanted me to have whatever I thought I needed to be comfortable. She was such a lovely supportive mother. Elizabeth is my sister and she and our mother had many scooter moments, so I knew that it would be a good thing for me. About 2 weeks after I got the scooter we went to Washington DC for parent's weekend and my husband said to me on one of the many journey's we took that weekend that he could see why I needed the TravelScoot. (I never really gave him a chance at NOT accepting it, though.) Maybe your husband/ family has the same fears about being embarassed. I would rather they be embarassed instead of you having knee surgery that potentially might not work. It didn't take long for my family to see what a good thing this was for me.

    I don't let anyone get between me and my Scoot. Love you Hardy!!!


  3. Dear Krystal,

    AmpleThanks for your reply -- it means a lot to me to have such understanding and support. Elizabeth is a goddess, plain & simple, and the service she provides to the world -- not only for fat folks -- via this blog, is a much-appreciated gift.

    I'm so sorry about the reception your loved ones provided to your new independence and joy. Maybe it's not so much that they didn't want what's best for you, as that they presumed to know what that "best" was, better than you?

    I'm not really worried about anything like that, beyond this painful convo with hubs, but am prepared to deal with it if I need to.

    Hubs is a pediatrician, and so is far more attached than I to the medical fix-it model of approaching life challenges. He is also the world's greatest cynic, and Hardy's 320-lb. weight limit on his website is creating a problem for him (even tho' I'm not all that much above that.) I have to believe he'll come around once he sees my 'Scoot -- and me! -- in action.

    I don't think jealousy is his issue -- at least not yet. After he sees me having a blast, maybe. We've had a preview -- in the past few months, I began using the electric scooter-carts Wegman's (grocery chain) provides. The first time I did that, he commented "This is the first time I've ever seen you smiling while grocery shopping." So, I'm hopeful that once I have my TravelScoot and he sees how much more I'm able to get out & do things, he will appreciate that.

    Hubby LOVES to go for long, fast walks, with or without the dogs. Even in our twenties (30+ years ago) I could never keep up with him, but if he slowed down we could go out walking together. I think he just has this belief -- fantasy? -- that he can have me as a walking companion again, if I get "new knees." Hopefully, I'll soon be able to go out scooting with him -- at least until the snow comes.

    AmpleThanks Krystal, Elizabeth, and everyone who has posted their TravelScoot experiences on this blog -- I am learning so much from you, and look forward to joining the club very soon.

    AmpleHugs & SunflowerSmiles,

  4. AmpleThanks, Kay.

    I don't think fear of embarrassment is his issue, any more than having a fat wife, which he's used to by now, LOL. No, I think he's not ready to see me as "disabled" or "handicapped" or something like that. And accepting limitations was a road I had to travel, too. I put off for way too long getting a handicapped tag for my car, or walking with a cane. I'm not going to put getting a TravelScoot off -- just have a couple of decisions to make (like which two batteries to order) and I'll be placing my order this week. And my dear hubs will get used to the idea, sooner or later.

    AmpleHugs & SunflowerSmiles,